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Boner Preview Candidates for September 29th, 2015

Boner Preview Candidate #1: THERE’S WAS A REASON THE DR’S CLINIC WAS FREE

It was supposed to be a free exam at a clinic for women who couldn’t afford to go anywhere else. Instead, it ended up cost them dearly. Female patients showed up to Dr. Jeffrey J. Abrams’s San Diego-area clinic with health problems as minor as a stomach ache or skin rash. Most of them were poor; many were immigrants who spoke little English. But they all quickly found themselves as the physician’s prey – ordered to strip naked as the bespectacled doctor with silver hair molested and photographed them under the guise of a medical exam. One victim was only eight years old.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: GEORGE ZIMMERMAN RETWEETS HIS CRIME

Zimmerman, who was acquitted of murdering teenager Trayvon Martin but admitted to killing him in “self-defense,” has been enjoying a lot of free time since the case ended; generally being involved in a racially-charged killing is not great for one’s reputation. One of his favorite pastimes has been trolling people on Twitter.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: A BLACK FELLER DID IT

A convicted felon from South Dakota who ‘accidentally’ shot himself in the penis was arrested after police investigated the shooting and found that he lied when he blamed it on a “black guy who tried to rob him.”

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: HEY IT’S ME AGAIN

A video-calling service for the deaf is suing a Brooklyn man for abusing the company’s software, the New York Post reports. David Marcano allegedly made 4,646 calls using the Florida-based service, ZVRS, solely for the purpose of masturbating in front of its employees.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: THE TURTLE LIKED IT

Sea you in jail. One of two women accused of brazenly riding a sea turtle in July was arrested Saturday in Melbourne, Florida, police said.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: STEALING FROM THE POPE

When Pope Francis concluded his historic address to Congress on Thursday, dozens of lawmakers followed as he left the podium, hoping to clasp the hand or touch the garments of His Holiness. Then there was Rep. Bob Brady (D-Pa.), who instead dashed to the podium to swipe the pope’s drinking glass.

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