Boner of the Day

Boner Preview Candidates December 8th, 2015

Boner Preview Candidate #1: COME ON GOVNER, PAY UP

New York Governor Andrew Cuomo has been battling his ex-wife Kerry Kennedy over “substantial” child support payments for years, according to a new report from the New York Post. The dispute was apparently quickly resolved after the Post made inquiries about it.

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 Boner Preview Candidate #2: A LITTLE OVER THE TOP EVEN FOR FOX NEWS

Ralph Peters, a retired lieutenant colonel in the U.S. Army and frequently angry and acerbic Fox guest, presented his usual demeanor again Monday during a live interview in which he called President Barack Obama a “total pussy.”

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 Boner Preview Candidate #3: Subtle

The caretaker at a Philadelphia mosque said he found a severed pig’s head outside on the sidewalk, and police were investigating whether someone may have thrown it out a car window.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: CLOG THE BOWL WILL YOU?

A Florida mother claims her four-year-old son was forced to unclog a toilet with his bare hands after going ‘number one and two’ at his elementary school. Tiffany Huffman said her son’s prekindergarten teacher at Rymfire Elementary School in Palm Coast was punishing him for putting too much toilet paper in the bowl last week.  Huffman said her son told her he then forgot to wash his hands afterwards – and that neither his teacher nor the classroom aide made sure to check.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: THIS WAS JUST A BAD IDEA

A 73-year-old man was pulled over for a routine traffic offense in Seattle the other day: driving without his lights on. Things went considerably worse than they should have when the man reportedly tried to snort a little cocaine right in front of the officer.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: YES. YES. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE YOU WANT HAVING GUNS

Conservative blogger, unrepentant sexist, Twinkie opponent and fat man who hates fat lesbians Erick Erickson has a strong opinion about The New York Times’ front-page editorial calling for tighter gun laws in the wake of a spate of mass shootings in the U.S. Erickson, who is editor-in-chief of the conservative website RedState.com, tweeted out his unintentionally hilarious response to the editorial today. So now we know: not only has Erickson not learned to use his Big Boy words when he doesn’t like something—he’s also a terrible shot.

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