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Boner Candidates for March 3, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: THANK GOD WE HAVE THESE MORAL GENIUSES DEFENDING MARRIAGE

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Image by Philippa Willitts

A Texas lawmaker, currently in his fifth marriage, has submitted a hand-written complaint against a Texas judge — the wrong judge as it turns out — over a recent ruling allowing two women to get married after 30 years. In an op-ed, in the Star-Telegram, Bud Kennedy explains that recently elected Texas House Rep. Tony Tinderholt’s complaint against District Judge David Wahlberg is not only misdirected, but may not have a legal foot to stand on. Tinderholt, 44, a former member of the U.S. Air Force and Army, wrote out a two-paragraph complaint to the State Commission on Judicial Conduct stating that Judge Wahlberg failed to give notice to the State Attorney General’s office when lifting a stay on the two women’s marriage. “This judge deliberately violated statutory law, and this is unacceptable,” Tinderholt wrote.

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Boner Candidate #2: PRAYIN’ TO COWS. I WON’T HAVE IT

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Image by S Cook

Sen. Steve Vick, R-Dalton Gardens, says he’ll walk out if a Hindu prayer opens the Idaho Senate on Tuesday morning. “They have a caste system,” Vick said. “They worship cows.” He acknowledged that the First Amendment to the U.S. Constitution allows any kind of prayer, but said he thinks the Hindu one shouldn’t be allowed to open the Senate, as the United States was “built on the Judeo-Christian not only religion but work ethic, and I don’t want to see that undermined.” “I’m very supportive of the way this country was built, and I don’t want us to move away from it,” Vick said.

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Boner Candidate #3: WE’RE GONNA BE DEALING WITH STONED BUNNIES HERE. I’M WARNING YOU; STONED BUNNIES

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Image by Carly Lesser and Art Drauglis 

Utah is considering a bill that would allow patients with certain debilitating conditions to be treated with edible forms of marijuana. If the bill passes, the state’s wildlife may “cultivate a taste” for the plant, lose their fear of humans, and basically be high all the time. That’s according to testimony presented to a Utah Senate panel (time stamp 58:00) last week by an agent of the Drug Enforcement Administration. “I deal in facts. I deal in science,” said special agent Matt Fairbanks, who’s been working in the state for a decade. He is member of the “marijuana eradication” team in Utah. Some of his colleagues in Georgia recently achieved notoriety by raiding a retiree’s garden and seizing a number of okra plants. Fairbanks spoke of his time eliminating back-country marijuana grown in the Utah mountains, specifically the environmental costs associated with large-scale weed cultivation on public land: “Personally, I have seen entire mountainsides subjected to pesticides, harmful chemicals, deforestation and erosion,” he said. “The ramifications to the flora, the animal life, the contaminated water, are still unknown.”Fairbanks said that at some illegal marijuana grow sites he saw “rabbits that had cultivated a taste for the marijuana. …” He continued: “One of them refused to leave us, and we took all the marijuana around him, but his natural instincts to run were somehow gone.”

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Feature Image By Martin Gommel


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