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Boner Preview Candidates October 5th, 2015

Boner Preview Candidate #1: IT WAS A STARING CONTEST

A 12-year-old boy is suspended from school for ‘staring’ at another student. It happened in September of 2014 at St. Gabriel Consolidated School in Glendale. The parents filed suit in Hamilton County Common Pleas court to try and get the suspension erased claiming the school didn’t give their son due process.

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Boner Preview Candidate #2: I HAD TO GET AWAY FROM THE WIFE

A man claims he stole a truck so he can be jailed just to get away from his wife. Hayden Vandiver is accused of breaking into his old workplace, damaging property and stealing a pickup truck belonging to his former boss, who he despised.

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Boner Preview Candidate #3: THE MUZZLE LOADIN PRIEST

Prosecutors have accused a priest in New Jersey of pointing a functioning, Civil War-style musket at an 8-year-old boy because he was a fan of the Dallas Cowboys, NBC New York reports. The priest is a fan of the New York Giants.

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Boner Preview Candidate #4: STUFF HAPPENS

“Stuff happens” was the dumbest and most unfortunate thing Jeb! Bush said Friday in reaction to the mass shooting at an Oregon community college one day earlier, but his fumbling attempt to clean up that mess was nearly as rife with dumbitude and non-fortune.

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Boner Preview Candidate #5: The Old Keepin Mom’s Body For The Social Security Trick

An upstate New York woman pleaded guilty on Tuesday to keeping her dead 93-year-old mother’s body in the house so she could keep receiving the mother’s government benefit checks, Fulton County Prosecutors confirm to PEOPLE.

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Boner Preview Candidate #6: IF YOU DON’T HAVE THE PROPER PAPER WORK YOU’RE JUST GONNA HAVE TO HURTLE

A 9-year-old girl was denied her inhaler during a coughing fit at school in West Jordan because staff were not notified of the child’s prescription, Jordan School District officials said Monday.

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