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China Is About To Ruin Movies Forever

Movies

The Chinese give us some pretty great stuff at great prices whether they want to or not, so we should be grateful.

The Chinese give us some pretty great stuff at great prices whether they want to or not, so we should be grateful. They build our iPhones, stitch our clothes and the Peking Duck is about amazing as food gets, but this export could be the one to change my tune. I demand Congress take note and issue some steep tariffs on this one.

Someone who hates the cinema has decided to take a passive, enjoyable activity such as watching a movie and ruin it.

You’re a darkened theater, you know, watching fine cinematic art. It’s a great new action-adventure picture featuring Christina Hendricks or Lizzy Caplan (this is my blog, so I get to pick the stars) when in the bottom of your field of view you notice a little glowing screen. Your suspension of disbelief has been shattered and you just missed the topless bank robbery scene. Be damned those with their phone out in a movie theater! As you look back at the screen you read “Moar Bewbs ;)” over the top of the getaway scene. Lame.

According to Engadget, some brainchild in China has been experimenting with “bullet screens.” Basically, it lets anyone post color commentary onto the actual movie screen while the film is playing. Because eveyone is funny and witty and should be heard. And the cost of ruining a movie for everyone in the joint: the equivalent of ten cents. Blasphemy!!!!!

If this is allowed to happen we should issue an apology to Pee-Wee Herman because what he did at the movies was less distracting and didn’t involve taking out his cell phone. He took something out, but from all accounts I’ve read, it wasn’t glowing. Though had he not been found out and arrested, he might have been glowing on his way out the door. Anyway…

People who take their phones out to text, talk or check our dessert recipes during a movie are society’s scourge, the lowest common denominator and should be shamed for their social infraction – not encouraged to ruin everyone’s good time a dime at a time.

As Engadget says, “a film connoisseur can watch as their most poignant wisecracks scroll across the screen with countless others… for better or worse.”

I say it’s definitely for worse.

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