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Boner Candidates for March 13, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: COUPLE OF BROS; STABBIN IT OUT FOR FUN

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Image By Jes

In what can only appropriately be described as a heavy metal fight, the lead guitarist of Slipknot was rushed to the hospital Wednesday after his own brother stabbed him in the head with a knife. Police were called early Wednesday morning to separate Slipknot’s Mick Thomson and his brother Andrew, who were stabbing one another, apparently for sport, outside Mick’s Iowa home. Via the Des Moines register: Clive police reported the two brothers were fighting and armed with knives in the front yard of a home in the 1900 block of Northwest 129th Street at about 4:25 a.m., according to a news release. At first the brothers were fighting inside the home, but moved outside after it got physical. When officers arrived, they found the brothers, both apparently drunk, with serious but not life-threatening stab wounds. Mickeal Thomson had a stab wound in the back of his head.

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Boner Candidate #2: THE SERIAL POOPER

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Image By Atomische* Tom Giebel

The police need your help in apprehending the notorious Akron Pooper. In a state that had already produced one “Poopgangsta,” Ohio cops are trying to identify the man responsible for defecating on at least 20 vehicles since 2012. As seen here, the suspect was photographed Tuesday by an Akron city worker who set out to determine who had pooped on his daughter’s car seven times in the past four months. Police in Akron–previously best known as the birthplace of LeBron James–note that while the subject was photographed as he hovered over the hood of a Dodge Neon, he has also smeared excrement on door handles and even entered unlocked cars and pooped inside.

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Boner Candidate #3: THE GLORY HOLE

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Image By Heidi Frank

A Christian group in Alaska is going to a get a ton of clicks to the website for their new shelter but it won’t be from people looking to offer help or donations. Those internet browsers are going to be looking for videos of women giving out sloppy yawns in bathrooms and back rooms. That’s because the group decided to name the shelter, and the corresponding website, The Glory Hole.

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Feature Image By Brad Smith


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