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Boner Candidates for January 29, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: MODEST IS HOTTEST

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Image By James Vaughan

A Lone Peak High School student was told her dress must be covered up because it was too inappropriate for the Preference Dance at the school last Saturday. A total of 4 out of 1200 students were told to cover their shoulders. Rhonda Bromley the principal of Lone Peak says students are well aware of the dress code for formal events that includes: “Formals, backless dresses and/or tops may not extend beyond the bottom of the shoulder blades. Girls’ dresses and tops must have a 2″ minimum strap on each shoulder. Shawls, boleros and other shrugs are acceptable if worn over the dress at all times. Cleavage covered.” Finlayson says her dress, which was purchased in Paris, and resembled in her mind, the classic, graceful style of her idol, actress Audrey Hepburn, was within the parameters put forth by the school dress code, and she says there were other girls at the dance whose dresses were questionable in her mind.

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Boner Candidate #2: POOP INSPECTION

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Image By Taylor McKnight

Teachers at a Gustine, Texas, elementary school are under fire from parents after forcing students to lower their pants and expose their underwear for a “poop inspection.”Educators had been “finding poop on the floor,” one parent told WFAA-TV, so they instructed students to expose their underwear in an effort to find the culprit. “I felt uncomfortable, and I didn’t want to do it,” 11-year-old Eliza Medina told WFAA-TV. “I felt like they violated my privacy.”

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Boner Candidate#3: READY FOR YOUR ABORTION DATE?

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Image By Karl-Ludwig Poggemann

Justin Colby turned himself into Pasco County, Fla. police Monday night after striking his seven months pregnant girlfriend with his car and walking off. Police released security camera footage depicting the hit and run Tuesday. Crystal Lynn Noordhuizen, Colby’s girlfriend, told police that the couple had gotten into an argument Monday. He stormed out of their home, and apparently later called Noordhuizen, 32, to tell her, “Are you ready for your abortion date?”

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