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Boner Candidates for March 30, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: HE MIGHT BE COOL WITH IT

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Image By Katherine Hitt

The confused and absurd US drugs policy (plus stupidity) has caused a woman in West Volusia, Florida, to be arrested. An “extremely intoxicated” Michelle Sanford tried to take marijuana into the patrol car of a sergeant who offered her a ride to a safe place. The officer, who was responding to reports of a domestic row between Sandford, 36, and her boyfriend, first told her that carrying her open bottle of booze in his car was against the rules. At which point Sanford’s boyfriend, Thomas Laudenslager, 46, piped up: “Why don’t you take your weed with you?” Sanford thought this a good idea. She asked the sergeant if she could take her marijuana in the car and smoke a joint at her father’s house. Sanford then showed her stash to the sergeant, was arrested and charged with possession of paraphernalia and a misdemeanor drug offense. Sandford is clearly an idiot. Asked why she had shown the police her weed, she explained: “It’s just weed and he might be cool with it.”

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Boner Candidate#2: WE WOULD PREFER THAT BOY NOT WEAR A VARSITY JACKET

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Image By Mike Chaput

A Kansas boy who plays on his high school’s special needs basketball team has been told he can’t wear a varsity letter jacket because he isn’t a varsity athlete. Wichita East High says a rule is a rule which means Michael Kelley, the boy with Down’s Syndrome and autism, has to leave his precious letter jacket at home. “Another parent, from what I had been told, was upset that my son was wearing his jacket,” Jolinda Kelley told KSN-TV Friday. Kelley told the station her adopted son is a one-of-a-kind kid who loves to play basketball. She bought him a varsity letter that is the same as the one worn by East High’s varsity basketball team that just won the state championship. Kelley said Michael was told he couldn’t wear his letter jacket and was given a girl’s sweatshirt to wear instead. “Teachers told the parents they would prefer he not wear the letter on his jacket,“ East High principal Ken Thiessen told KSN. He said the school had weighed letting special needs kids wear varsity letters. “We have considered it, and our decision was no,” the principal said. “We decided that it is not appropriate in our situation because it is not a varsity level competition.

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Boner Candidate #3: HUMANS SUCK

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Image By sualk61

So it’s spring break, things get a little crazy out by the pool, and woah wait is this kid really going to bite the head off a live hamster and did he just snap the hamster’s neck oh my god teens are the worst. Little is known about the misleadingly cherubic-looking young man—although the video is titled “Alleged Florida State Fraternity Member Bites Head Off Hamster In Spring Break Video,” there’s no indication he’s actually a student there. The original video was reportedly uploaded to YouTube on Friday and pulled within minutes for terms of service violations. Dozens of mirrored copies still live on, albeit with the hamster blurred out. Ban fraternities. Ban teens.

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Feature Image By Marcin

 


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