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Boner Candidates for January 8 2016

Boner Candidate #1: I didn’t even know they sold that stuff at Walmart

A Michigan man proposed to his girlfriend over a Walmart loudspeaker — and then celebrated minutes later by swiping an array of sex toys from a nearby novelty store, cops said. William Cornelius, 25, and his new fiance, Sheri Moore, 20, were arrested last Wednesday after they were caught shoplifting $80 worth of bedroom delights from a Spencer’s gift store in Bay City, according to a police report obtained by The Smoking Gun. Their haul included a “Bride-to-be” thong, “BJ Blast” oral sex candy and a $14.99 vibrator. Before popping the question, Cornelius purchased a $29.62 engagement ring at the nearby Walmart and then asked a store employee if he could use the intercom system to ask his Moore to marry him, cops said. Surveillance footage shows him dropping to one knee before Moore eventually says yes — sparking a round of applause from shoppers.

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Boner Candidate #2: I demand compensation for my broken Hello Kitty toothbrush!

A man was arrested in Orlando after he and his wife held luggage hostage assaulted police and hotel staff during a trip to Disney World. The altercation began after a luggage mix-up at Disney’s Animal Kingdom Villas accidentally sent 14 pieces of luggage to the room of Setia Kurniawan, 49, and his wife, Vonni Gustimego, 44, who were vacationing with their children. When hotel staff attempted to retrieve the luggage the Australian couple refused to open the door for hours, demanding compensation for a broken Hello Kitty toothbrush. The manager then called police describing the couple as “aggressive” and “confrontational” in a police report.

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Boner Candidate #3: Don’t send hot dogs and grenades to government buildings!

Story 1:

A grenade that led authorities to evacuate a Pennsylvania county courthouse was a gag gift intended for the newly elected sheriff. Instead, Beaver County Sheriff Tony Guy ordered the evacuation as a precaution after the box was X-rayed as part of Wednesday’s incoming mail. Authorities say the sender is friends with the sheriff and had clearly labeled the box with his return address. District Attorney David Lozier says the man was upset that the gift caused such problems and cooperated with investigators.

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Story 2:

Alabama police responded to reports of suspicious bags that were later found to be full of hot dogs. The Florence Police Department responded to a call from a local post office reporting a suspicious package at 7 a.m. on Wednesday morning and proceeded to examine the bags using X-ray technology. After inspection, the area was shut down as bomb technicians used a robot to remove the bags from the area. One of the bags ripped open during transport revealing a hot dog wrapped in aluminum foil, WHNT reported.

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