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Boner Candidates for Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Based on your votes, these are the top candidates for today. Vote one more time to determine who will be the Boner of the Day!

Boner Candidate #1 MY, THIS WILL BE FUNNY

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Image by Ewen Roberts

Police are searching for pranksters who burst into a Southern California movie theater this weekend and frightened the audience with the roar of a leaf blower. One man opened an emergency exit, allowing another to enter and yell “I’ve got a chainsaw” while revving a motor, according to reports. The prank occurred during a screening of “The Gift” in Newport Beach, California, Saturday night. Police later determined that the motor belonged to a leaf blower. Moviegoers fled, and three patrons “suffered minor injuries in their haste to exit the theater,” according to the Newport Beach Police Department.

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Boner Candidate #2 THANKS OBAMA WITH A CHERRY ON IT.

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Image by Micael Faccio

A 44-year-old Obama critic was arrested for retail theft in Illinois last month after authorities say he shoved a vibrator down his pants and offered to show an officer his penis, The Smoking Gun reports. According to police, an officer responding to a stolen merchandise complaint “noticed a large bulge” in the pants of Christopher Hucko at Lover’s Lane adult shop in Orkland Park on July 18. “I asked Christopher what he had stuffed in his pants, to which he replied ‘my penis,’” writes arresting officer Anthony Carone in his report. “Christopher also stated he had a tattoo of a cherry on his penis and asked me if I wanted to see it.”

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Boner Candidate #3 I WANT A NEW FERRARI

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Image by Derek Walker Photo

It’s easy for all of us cash-deprived near-animals to judge the actions of our monied betters. So I’m asking you to keep an open mind when considering the tale of a 20-year-old son of a Swiss millionaire who deliberately set his Ferrari 458 Italia on fire in the hopes of getting a newer, better Ferrari. Just think about it from his side: he wanted a new one.

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