Arguably, this could be the best time to be a homo sapien.
I have no idea what Donald Trump is talking about with all this “Make America Great Again” rabble. To me, that’s just small thinking. The world in its entirety is pretty great. Sure there are rough spots and many problems, but when have so many people been so connected. News, as much as governments may try to oppress it, gets out there, ripe for the reckoning. Slacktivism is better than nothing, right? Okay, I am getting off track. This post isn’t about the state of world affairs. It’s about technology. How people do things.
From big to small there are some apps, gadgets and 3-D printers that do pretty amazing things. From simplistic to overtly complicated, we’ve scoured the web to find some truly sweet items of the future to dote over. Yes, “dote” doesn’t sound futuristic, but I have a sentimental side. Most of these are straight up crowdsourced dreams being concived and born, so maybe you’ll find something you’d like to bet…err invest some money toward.
Check out these items your future self can’t live without.
Let’s say you are on vacation, but your kitties need food and you your kitty-sitter lost the house key. No worries. Noki (no key, get it?) is a European-designed smart door lock that latches on to your existing lock. It basically eliminates the need for you to need to carry door keys around. You use your phone to unlock or lock a door from anywhere your smartphone works. They have hit their crowdfunding goal and the project is underway.
The Quicklock is similar and right out of Lehi, Utah. Bam. And yes, they are still open to funding, though they have hit their goal. Their add is pretty great because the lock prevents the young ones from breaking into mom and dad’s bed chamber while they are making more little ones. Oh, Utah!
Speaking of doors, this product is available now and I have some friends who use it. Maybe you live in a sketchy part of the hood, let’s say Sugarhouse or Federal Heights, and you just don’t trust the neighbors. Well, Ring is a doorbell with an integrated camera and sensor that will notify when someone is milling about, casing your joint, letting their doggy poop on your lawn. Hell, maybe your mailman has been pooping on your lawn. You can hop on the app, see what’s up and tell people to bugger off! You don’t even have to be home to do it. Record the videos and post the nefarious folks on social media for all to see. There’s a reality show in there somewhere. For $199 that piece of mind comes cheap.
I am not cat people, but some people are, so they’ll like this. It’s made by Egg Addiction. My guess is these people think cats lay eggs, but breakfast couldn’t be better for cat people. Imagine starting your day with two yolk kitty eyes looking up at you. Even better, make these eggs using the cat mold and feed it to your dog. Paging Pavlov! They’ve hit their goal, but are still taking pledges.
There is a reason you spend that $6 to $7 on that cup of coffee each morning. You suck at making coffee. That or you are lazy. Well, this guy, Dustin Sell (what a name, right?) decided life wasn’t good enough. He hated the idea of filling landfills will mini plastic cups, too. Ol’ Dusty wanted fast, convenient and amazing coffee, but it has to look cool as well. This is the future after all. He had funding for his second prototype, but something was off, so he started over. Funding is a little over $380,000 right now of the $975,000 he is looking for. I don’t even drink coffee and this machine looks pretty amazing.
Sure, it’s simple. It’s just sits there and holds your records. Not all that ground-breaking, but have you tried to find a modest, affordable and spatially efficient way to get the job done? Hey, not everything needs to look like it came from the Starship Enterprise. These stations were created and made in Brooklyn, so you know they are hip and patriot approved. For its size, it really has everything you need: a spot for your turntable, hook for headphones, shelf for preamps, space for your records, a display area for the album you are playing and a cord management system. Compact and sweet.
So you want to take a long ride to Brigham City and have an awesome lunch at Maddox, but you can’t cycle on the freeway, chump. You’ve got to find a different way and looking at your phone the whole time isn’t an option. The folks at Schwinn have got you, bae. Use their app to set your destination and the lights on the CycleNav will tell you where to go. They also make a combo bike/speaker setup.
Okay, Rufus is a bad dog. A very bad dog. He humps all the things and runs away. Your pup combines bad investments and junk bonds into an investment opportunities and sells them as solid futures to an unknowing and uneducated class of people. How is the proletariat to defend itself? How about a doggie lo-jack. Tagg is a GPS tracker for your dog that will send you text alerts if it leaves the your designated safe zone and you can track your dog live, so you know if she’s off the couch and into the fridge, pounding all the craft beer you were saving for the weekend. You can also track your pet’s health, like exercise routines and temperature. Wow, you might end up knowing more about your pet than your kids with this smokin’ hot item.
Yes, another pet product. You love animals though and you can’t get enough. Obi, is a laser you can program from your smartphone or set on auto to make your pet a neurotic mess while you are entertained to no end. It’s very sleek and will look great on that turntable stand you bought from those hipsters in Brooklyn. Netflix has nothing on your cat running into the wall for hours on end while your take another bong rip and spread Nutella on graham crackers.
Your friends will think you came from the year 2087 when they see you wearing this. Kentucker Audley must have been struck by lightning twice, at the same time, for such an innovative power item. Straight outta Brooklyn and right onto your head. Get in on the ground floor. If this works out there may also be shirts. Did you ever think the future would provide such technology? Me either.
Be a one-person rave, just you and Kaskade in a can. These babies are bright. The controls allow you some amazing features including voice-text, heart rate monitoring and taking pictures. Also, they are bright, so if you are jogging in Sugarhouse Park at night you won’t get hit by the guy driving the wrong way around the one-way loop. There’s always one. They come in red, green and blue. They are available for pre-order now. Look at how hot this lady is modeling them. If you get some you will be hot, too and you can totally marry her. Swipe right on these puppies, bud.
Becuase “boring grills are boring.” It inflates. It’s shiny. No fuel and fireless. According to the inventors, if you have maxiumum sun it can reach up to 500 degrees. As long as the clouds don’t block Earth’s yellow star you can cook anywhere. It’s what freedom tastes like…in 2016.
Is your mind blown yet? Mine is, so I’ll stop there. From movie hats to home safety. The human race cannot and will not be stopped. As long as there are grocery stores and we don’t have to hunt and gather, we will find a way to progress into the great unknown of time…and photongrill.
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