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Boner Candidates for March 12, 2015

Boner Candidate #1: JUST STAY AWAY FROM THE ‘N’ WORD

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Image By Stephen

After SAE brothers at the University of Oklahoma were caught on tape gleefully chanting racist slurs this weekend, you might have thought, who would defend these men? Morning Joe hosts Mika Brzezinski and Joe Scarborough answered that rhetorical question this morning by suggesting that rappers are actually to blame for SAE’s behavior. After first noting that Waka Flocka Flame has declined to perform at the University of Oklahoma because of SAE’s racist behavior, Brzezinski preceded with the most outstanding performance of victim-blaming morning TV has ever seen. “If you look at every single song, I guess you call these, that [Waka Flocka’s] written, it’s a bunch of garbage,” she said. “It’s full of n-words, it’s full of f-words. It’s wrong. And he shouldn’t be disgusted with them, he should be disgusted with himself.”

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Boner Candidate #2: I NEED TO RE-HOME MY DEMON-POSSESSED CHILDREN

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Image By Kate Dugas

An Arkansas politician is defending his decision to “re-home” two of his young adopted daughters by sending them to live with a man who ended up molesting one of them last year. The story broke last week after police received an anonymous tip that Arkansas state representative Justin Harris and his wife Marsha—who run a pre-school together—had been cashing state adoption subsidies checks for children they weren’t taking care of. In 2013, the Harrises adopted the two young sisters, who—they were reportedly warned—grew up around meth addicts and endured significant emotional and sexual abuse. And less than a year later, the couple decided to to give the girls back, claiming they were just too emotionally damaged to keep. The state said no, so Harris reportedly decided to “re-home” them, a largely unregulated process that is currently legal in Arkansas.

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Boner Candidate #3: NICE TRY STINKY

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Image By Adeben Hong

Police say a Pennsylvania man dropped to the ground and rolled around in dog waste to avoid being arrested for public drunkenness, but he was taken into custody anyway. Police in Wilkes-Barre tell the Times Leader  officers came upon 45-year-old Maurice Franklin early Monday night after he jumped into traffic. They believed he was under the influence of drugs or alcohol. They say he slurred his words and at first claimed he was walking erratically to avoid stepping in the dog feces on the sidewalk. But when officers tried to arrest him, police say he lay down in the waste and told authorities they couldn’t arrest him because he was covered in feces. Franklin couldn’t immediately be reached for comment. Court records don’t list a lawyer for him.

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Feature Image By Joshua Ganderson

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